Where would you be this time next year, if you were on the other side of fear?
Love. Fear. Two of the most powerful emotions that we will experience as part of our human existence. Love and Fear – so intricately related – for often what we fear most is also what we love most.
Interestingly, our avoidance of the fear experience (which can also be understood as anxiety, distress, pain, loss, anger, etc.) often impedes our ability to fully embrace the love experience (joy, gratitude, wonder, awe, etc).
It is important to note that “avoidance of the fear experience” doesn’t necessarily mean physically, mentally, emotionally avoiding (although it can). We often try to “avoid the experience” by fixing it – this means we are acting, oftentimes urgently, with a specific intention in mind – to stop the unpleasant experience as quickly as possible. This is adaptive. It is something that we learned early and something that was reinforced often. However, as we move to higher states of consciousness and a more empowered life – it can impede our ability to experience a greater degree of emotional depth and to act from a deeper level of truth.
To truly live and act from a place of love – we must first weather the fear experience. This will look different for each individual. I sometimes describe this experience as a “storm” or “waves.” The trick here is non-doing. Many of us spent our whole lives learning what we can do to feel better – and fast! So when we move toward this new approach of “weathering the storm,” not only are we choosing to fully embrace a challenging and unpleasant experience, we are also going against all of our previous programming. This can be an extremely challenging process and it is important to have practices and supports in place as we venture down this path of being rather than doing.
So what is the point? Why are we choosing to embrace the fear experience? When we choose to sit with the fear, befriend the fear – we are able to learn from the fear. As we find gratitude for the lessons, we learn to find gratitude for the whole experience. And it is from this place of clarity – the calm after the storm – that we are able to act from a place of truth and love.
Sarah Amedoro, Psy.D.
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